My Struggle With Weight + Body Image

This is such a close topic for me and something I have struggled with honestly most of my life. I remember growing up ( well, frankly, it still happens today) and people making references like:

"Shes just skin and bones."

"You need to go eat a burger!"

"You need to put some meat on your bones."

"She's as small as a Twig!"

I get it. Also maybe its a joke, you know? Maybe people don't mean it in a negative context? We have to remember though weight loss and weight gain are things that people struggle with. I feel like our society has put so much pressure on weight loss because " everyone wants to be skinny." So why would someone WANT to gain weight? That's against everything society tells us we must always want to downsize.. let me say no.

I was chatting with a friend about this, and she even mentioned to me the other day she was referred to as " the skinny girl over there." Trust me, I am not the type of person who is whiny or easy hurt- but addressing people by their body type? Let me give you an example if the statement "the large girl over there" was made; people would freak out.

I wasn't going to post this picture because, in my head, I thought I look "too skinny," and I thought, "my legs look so small."

When I started college, last year, school got the best of me, and I stopped working out and lost 20 pounds, just because I stopped working out and let me tell you I was devastated- all my hard work of gaining weight was just gone. My clothes didn't fit me anymore; I felt like I was drowning in fabric. I know that's dramatic and all, but when I realized my clothes didn't fit anymore, and I was going to have to downsize- that hurt.

I remember getting ready to go out with friends and just sitting on my bed in tears because I felt like NOTHING fit and NOTHING looked good on my small body.

Here I am, after a little break because of COVID and quarantine ( I think everyone feels this). I am back at it. In the gym, I was lifting and doing little to no cardio. Eating 3,000 calories a day, and after a few weeks, I am already up 5 pounds, which makes me so happy to see little gains.